Ledge Walkers Read online

  Before I could make my retort, Maggie was studying the one she had grabbed. “Look,” she said, pointing to a mark on the sheet. “It's not KKK. She swiped them from a hospital—from St. Mike's."

  "I just hope it wasn't St. Mike's Home for the Bedridden and Incontinent,” Susan added, much to my chagrin.

  "Oh, shut up, you guys!” I said. “I got them from the thrift store. Claudia washed and bleached them. There's nothing wrong with them. Now shut up and get moving."

  As they took turns stripping in the bathroom, Claudia and I set up a borrowed massage table for each couple, and one for Alison, who would be our guinea pig.

  Soon, the living room was filled with white-sheeted bodies. Everyone walked about like clumsy geishas.

  In perfect time, there was a quiet knock at the front door, and I let in our massage therapist.

  "This is Janice,” I introduced. “She's going to be teaching us a few things. She's trustworthy, and she's one of us, so please feel comfortable. Ask questions. Whatever you need to do. Alison, you get the massage from the pro."

  As Janice set up, Claudia and I stripped and joined the ranks.

  Janice began with a short speech on the importance of touch and how it helps a couple with bonding. Alison reclined on the table next to her, and I wondered what she thought about bonding with a stranger. Maybe as a yoga teacher she understood things we didn't, as she seemed unfazed.

  "Okay, so the point of this is non-sexual touch,” Janice said. “Pay attention to your partner's needs. Be gentle.

  First, we'll concentrate on one partner, and then we'll switch."

  With that, bargains were made, and eventually, Claudia, Holly, Ginny, and Susan were all prone. Janice handed out small bottles of oil to each of the apprentice masseuses.

  "Always warm the oil in your hands before you touch your partner. A shock is not the best way to begin."

  "Come on, Sutter,” Laura said from the table adjacent to ours. “Get it nice and warm."

  "I am. I am,” I corrected. “You just pay attention."

  Janice furthered her instructions, “Okay, once the oil is warm, place your hands gently on your partner's neck and shoulder area. Like this.” She began slowly massaging Alison's shoulders. “You want your back motion to go toward an extremity. Think of it as forcing the negative energy toward a place where it can easily escape the body, like the fingertips, the feet, the top of the head."

  I watched what she did and then tried the same on Claudia. I must have done it correctly, as I could feel her relax under my touch, and an almost inaudible moan escaped her lips.

  "Feel good?” I asked, for which I received a lazy nod. “Just tell me if I hurt you."

  After several minutes of this, Janice said, “Now you want to move a bit lower, around the shoulder blade area.

  This time it's the upward motion that should push the negative energy toward the arms."

  Again, I did as she instructed, feeling Claudia lose herself in my touch. I thought back to the tension that existed between us during our last get-together. There was none of it now, and none that I could feel in the muscles that gave themselves to me. I imagined pushing out any residue and infusing her with the strong, thriving feelings I had for her.

  As I caught onto the techniques that Janice taught us, I finally felt in command enough to move my attention to the others in the room. It was Laura I saw first. Actually, it was only Laura I saw. She leaned into Holly, passionately kissed her neck several times, and then started biting her way down her spine. And then, I heard her breathing. It was labored and long and seemed nearly to carry a scream with it. Her hands—which were supposed to be in the shoulder blade area—were on either side of Holly, whose facedown position caused her ample breasts to bulge considerably from the sides. “Oh God,” I heard her breathily utter into her, to which an overturning Holly gasped in reply, “Oh, does my baby need some more?"

  As my jaw dropped, I questioned the word “more.” What had we missed whilewe followed instructions? Then, with my jaw attempting to hang even lower, I watched a frantic Laura open the sheet around her and climb onto a naked and welcoming Holly.

  "Laura!” I yelled through clenched teeth.

  Her desperate eyes shot to mine, and she said nothing but “Oh God."

  I believe it was at that second—although, I admit that in the throes of shock I was not quite sure—when Janice bellowed, “Non-sexual, ladies!"

  The writhing and kissing ones paid no mind. Another “Oh God” came from Laura, and I knew that we were nearing the point of no return. They gently rocked into each other, completely oblivious to anyone but each other.

  Kris snapped to attention as all eyes in the room turned to the two them. “Laura!” she barked. “Get off of her!”

  When no response came, she yelled Laura's name in a way that seemed to make the room reverberate.

  Laura came back to the world momentarily. A pleading look made its way to Kris, and Laura implored in deep breaths, “Oh God, Kris, I have to have her.” She resumed the impassioned kissing.

  "Laura!” Kris barked again. “You're in a room full of people!"

  "No. No, we're not,” she breathed and continued her mission, which seemed to be devouring Holly wholly.

  "Laura, look at me!” This time Kris took on a tone like she was trying to talk a jumper back from a ledge.

  Laura looked at her, but her eyes were glazed and distant. Her breathing bordered on hyperventilation.

  "Laura, you're in a room full of people!"

  Her breathing slowed a little, a very little. She swallowed hard and said, “No. When I touch her, the world goes away. Clocks even stop."

  "It may feel like that, hon, but you're in a room full of people."

  "Oh, but I want her!” She laughed this time. “Goddamn it, do I want her!” She released a scream of utter frustration.

  Kris continued, “Janice said this was to be non-sexual touching."

  "She made it sexual!” Laura defended. “Be gentle. Pay attention to her needs. I was. I did. I mean look at her!”

  She raised herself up, exposing a quite comfortable Holly and herself in the process. “How can this not be sexual? Holly, you are the sexiest woman in the world! I love you. I want you."

  "Oh, babe,” Holly gushed, and the kissing resumed yet again.

  Before losing them once more, Kris urged, “Laura, keep looking at me. Keep looking at me."

  Laura did as she was instructed. She still looked intoxicated.

  "This is the damnedest thing I've ever seen. You're a grown woman. Control yourself."

  "I am in control. I love her. I want her. Oh God, do I want her."

  "She's not an object! Holly, does she make you feel like an object?"

  Holly didn't answer right away. Then she pulled Laura into her, thrust her hips, and said, “Laura, quick make me feel like an object so I know if I've ever felt that way before."

  Everyone laughed, and it seemed to be enough to pull the jumper back from the ledge.

  "She's not innocent in this,” Laura defended. “Everybody always thinks she's innocent. It's that gorgeous face that does it.” She smiled broadly and stared down at Holly, who at this point was laughing. “Tell them what you did this morning. Go on, tell them."

  She pulled Laura into her yet again and said, “No, you tell them. I want to hear yousay it."

  "Fine,” Laura said. “But remember you told me to.” She moved away from Holly a bit, and for the first time in a long time it seemed as though there were two of them. “I'm innocently—innocently, I tell you—taking a shower this morning, hurrying to get here on time. This tease here comes in, jams the door to the shower stall, drops her robe, and pushes her breasts to the glass. Then she begs me to touch her. Ican't f-ing touch her! She says she'll do it for me. I'm not kidding you!"

  Holly laughed deviously. “Ah, but I eventually rescued you in time, didn't I? God, you were so wild by the time I got in there.” She pulled Laura into her again, th
e to-and-fro now beyond predictable. “God, I love you when you are wild like that!” And yes, they started kissing and writhing again.

  Suddenly, I understood the word “more” and why they were late.

  All eyes again were on them, and somewhere inside I thought to myself that it was hopeless trying to pull them apart. I thought it might be smarter to just let them have at it—to a silent chorus of closed ears and eyes. At least it would be done. Or would it? Two opposing words collided in my mind: contentedly insatiable.

  "Are you guys like this all the time?” Susan dared to ask, rather loudly, and while I predicted that discomfort would be there, intrigue seemed to have overruled.

  "Are you?” Kris asked. “Or did a simple massage just do you in?"

  "We're not perverts, if that's what you're thinking,” Laura defended. “I just can't seem to stop myself when it comes to her. I mean really—just look at her!” She lifted herself up again for us to see what she was hoarding.

  She looked down at her, and another “Oh God” came forth as if it were a religion.

  "Ah, Laura, I think we've all had a good enough look at her,” Claudia reminded. “Thanks, though."

  "Laura, you're jumping her bones in a room full of people,” Kris crudely clarified and then watched as Laura's eyes scanned the room as if seeing it for the first time.

  "Okay, you're right. I'm sorry,” she said and sat up, barely wrapping the sheet around herself again, making sure that Holly was covered. She stared into Holly's eyes, but this time a different sort of emotion lingered there. To everyone's amazement, the bold and powerful Laura McCallister began to cry.

  The room fell silent. When the planet shifts on its axis, there is sure to be mind-numbing incapacitation.

  Holly sat up and kissed her, but this time it was gentle and meant to soothe. “Honey, it's okay."

  "I know it's okay,” she said. “It's okay because I love you."

  Kris jumped in, “Laura, what are you feeling? Why are you crying?"

  "Because you guys think it's aboutit. It's not aboutit. It's not about sex. It's about her—not about me. It's about that feeling I get when I look at her, when I hold her, when there is only us, when she has that look in her eyes.

  If that makes me a pervert in your eyes, then so be it. But I swear to you,” she said, “I will never stop letting myself get lost in her."

  "Canyou stop?” Kris asked.

  "Kris, just let it be,” Ginny jumped in to defend Laura.

  "No. She's a walking master's thesis. I want to be sure she even belongs in one."

  Laura stared at her, but it wasn't with the anger I think I would have felt. It was more an introspection, something that Laura didn't generally do in public—but then again, I had never seen her try to take Holly in public either.

  "If you're asking if I can go without sex,” she said, “then, yes, I can. If you're asking if I can go without Holly, the answer is no. I'm a junkie. I admit it, but I mean, just look at—Never mind; don't look at her.” She sniffed and then laughed. “You guys have probably seen more of her than you ever thought you would. But for Christ sake, you took two drunks, threw them in a vat of vodka, and told them not to drink. I have to drink. Otherwise, I feel like I'm dying of thirst."

  Kris thought for a moment and then asked, “Have you felt this way with anyone else, Laura? What about in relationships before Holly?"

  "I'm telling you honestly: I never felt this way until the first time we were together, and we have been this way ever since. It's mutual. Isn't it, Hol? Have I ever wanted to go there when I didn't think you wanted to go with me?” She looked at Holly, who vehemently shook her head.

  "Never, babe. Never,” she replied, and then she tried to glance around the room from her prone position. “I want her as much as she wants me. Sometimes more."

  Kris apparently wasn't satisfied with that. She asked, “Were you guys sexual right way?"

  The two laughed with each other, remembering, and I suddenly noticed poor Janice shifting uncomfortably next to her massage table. I bet she would never again say to a group of nearly naked lesbians that touch could help a couple with bonding.

  Holly said, “We didn't have sex for the first year we dated ... not until the moment we decided to spend the rest of our lives together."

  "And we've been dying of thirst ever since.” This time Laura gave Holly a tender kiss and smiled at her.

  "Holly, what about your other relationships? Were they this sexually charged, too?” Kris continued her march toward understanding.

  "Laura was my first. Laura is my last.” Tears now filled her eyes, and “aw” spread throughout the room.

  "And have you guys ever attempted anything like you did today?” Kris asked, and I imagined her scanning some diagnostic checklist in her mind.

  "No. I think it's just that it's safe with you all. Our guard is down when we're all together. We love you guys,”

  Holly said, and then added, “But we have learned a few lessons the hard way, and so we made some rules."

  Suddenly, the group wanted to know. The mood lightened considerably.

  "Well, let's see,” Holly began. “Alison you will be happy to know that we have a rule never to shower together again at the Y."

  Our prone yoga instructor gave a thumbs-up, and the group laughed. Even Janice laughed.

  "We only buy vehicles with bucket seats, and our hands cannot cross that middle thingy,” Holly said, her upraised hands trying to help us envision exactly what a “thingy” was.

  Laura admitted, “When Holly has a class she's posing nude for, I'm not allowed within a two hundred yards.”

  She paused and then added, “And we cannot both be in the kitchen when one is cooking. We set off the alarm once when French toast caught fire. Well, actually they kind of exploded.” She looked at Holly, and they both laughed.

  "Oh, and we never go into a lingerie shop together,” Holly confided.

  Then in unison, they yelled, “Or dressing rooms!"

  "Oh God, do you remember that?” Laura asked, and I knew what that religious talk would get us: prostration on the naked altar. She was glued to her in seconds, this time kissing her and saying, “Oh God, I want you."

  "Whoa,” Kris quickly interrupted. “You were doing good there for a moment. Stick with us."

  Laura pulled herself up a bit with a desperate release of air, and both their heads tilted toward Kris.

  "Does it always have to end in thebig way?” she asked, and at first I thought to laugh at the euphemism, but I then realized that they still teetered on the ledge and anything explicit might send them plummeting.

  "No. Sometimes foreplay just jumps into afterplay with no play in between,” Laura reasoned. “Sometimes we just end up holding each other. Sometimes we just end up laughing. Those times are amazing, too.” There was no “Oh God” involved, but her body genuflected into Holly again. She stared at her, smiling. Without breaking her gaze, she asked, “So what do you say, Dr. Maltry? There's nothing wrong with us, is there? We're just lucky and madly in love. I told you!"

  Suddenly “doctor” looked rather funny standing there, wrapped in a St. Mike's sheet, her hands resting on her professor's podium that just happened to be her lover's butt. Hardly a clinical setting, but I knew that Kris would divulge what she sincerely believed. She was that way. Despite how intrusive it all seemed, I knew her heart was in the right place.

  "Well,” she began after some thought. “The best I can say is that you are cursed with a blessing or blessed with a curse, depending on how you'd care to look at it."

  "Blessing,” they both said and somehow seemed to interpret it as permission. The kissing began again for the hundredth time, and as odd as it sounds, I could feel myself disappear; I could hear the stopping of clocks. It was a lonely feeling, and I bent down to kiss Claudia on the cheek. She rolled over, smiled, and kissed me in kind.

  "You okay?” I asked.

  "Yes, I am,” she said. “I love you."
/>   "I love you, too."

  "Why don't you take Laura out back for a smoke? Preferably before she starts praying again. I'll finish the massage thing with Holly."

  I thought that was a good idea. I moved over to their massage table and made the offer to Laura. At first, she was reluctant to pull away from Holly, but with some coaxing from both Holly and me, she stood, wrapped the sheet around herself, and with wobbly knees, turned to leave the house with me. I steadied her with both hands, feeling as though I was touching something that did not belong to me. What coursed through her belonged to Holly, and for the first time, I did indeed understand that it had nothing to withit. It had to do with them. It was far more emotional than it was sexual.